Surprise! It’s Not a Baby, Just More Illness

A doctor’s visit today confirmed what I already knew—plus a little surprise! No, I’m not pregnant, but I do have Flu A on top of the COVID my sweet husband gave me for Valentine’s Day. The gift that keeps on giving! This is miserable, and I’m finding it incredibly hard to stay positive.

When I first started feeling sick, I thought, Hey, maybe this will be a nice break. I figured I’d have time to write, meditate, and just chill. Turns out, it’s hard to do any of that when my chest is on fire and my head feels like it’s about to explode.

Health is everything. Without it, we’re—well, sick. But worse than that, we become dependent on others just to get through the day. That’s a terrifying realization.

In my early 20s, I worked in a nursing home, taking care of elderly residents. At the time, it was just a job, and I didn’t put much thought into it. But looking back now, I understand things I didn’t back then. Most of the residents were sullen, withdrawn, and angry. Some had been abandoned by family who never visited, which was heartbreaking, but even the ones with visitors often seemed deeply unhappy. I get it now. None of us want to rely on someone else to bathe us, dress us, or—worst of all—wipe our asses. It’s demeaning, no matter how kind the caregiver is.

I’m not there yet, but one day, I will be. So will you. The question is: what do we do about it? We have two choices—ignore it and keep doing what we’re doing, getting the same results, or adapt and deal with aging as it comes.

By my age, I’m technically menopausal. I don’t have many symptoms, unless mood swings count—but that might just be me! Still, I’ve done my research, and I know I’m losing muscle and bone mass. I’m also at the prime age where 50% of women die from heart disease. Besides eating healthy, limiting alcohol, and exercising, I’m also trying to be easier on myself.

That’s the hard part. The voice in my head is such a mean bitch. This morning, I felt guilty for not doing yoga—even though I can barely breathe and get dizzy when I bend over. Why is that voice even there? I don’t know, but I’m doing my best to silence it.

What about you? Do you struggle with that same inner critic, or do you have a positive voice that pushes you to do your best and be happy with the results?

Hopefully, I’ll be blogging about something other than sickness soon, because I am so over complaining about it. The story is on hold for now, but it’s coming.