Banana Breath, Butterfly Wings, and $300 Poop Water

The coffee shop lady got back with me! I was able to speak with her again, make edits, and send what is hopefully the final draft for her approval. I have everything crossed that it goes through so I can see if I cut the mustard journalistically. Imposter syndrome is some serious shit. My brain regularly tells me I’m not cut out for this and should run away now, back to my safety zone. My brain can really be a bitch sometimes.

I’ve been working on meditation for several years. I have a meditation room—though calling it a "room" is generous; it’s more like a cozy 10x10 closet. It’s fully decked out in hippie/Buddha fashion, complete with salt lamps, a singing bowl, and a pair of Baoding balls that are really too big for my hands but add character. Like my cat lady head, which I picked up at an estate sale because it freaked everyone else out.

Despite years of practice, I can still only sit for 15 minutes before my monkey mind starts wondering if my chickens would let me paint their toes. In addition to meditation, I’ve been working on being mindful in the moment—a challenge when I’m usually multitasking to squeeze the most productivity out of my precious free time.

The Plum Village App is a wonderful (and free!) resource for anyone searching for the peace that comes from meditation and mindfulness. I used to think mindfulness just meant paying attention to what I was doing, but I’ve realized that, for me, it’s more about being aware of where my mind wanders while I’m accomplishing a task.

For instance, I was mashing up bananas to make banana bread muffins. I had some extra time, so I decided to do it by hand instead of using my stand mixer. While stirring, I focused on my breathing, noticing the smell of banana as I inhaled and following it through the exhale. My brain doesn’t have time to wonder if wombats are happy with their given name when I give it the task of following my breath.

As I stirred the batter, a wave of joy hit me, causing me to smile. I wasn’t thinking of anyone or anything in particular—just following my banana breath and finding joy in the process. For me, mindfulness is about finding joy in the mundane and necessary tasks instead of begrudgingly rushing through them just to get to what I really want to do.

Some days, I feel like an awkward caterpillar, all wrapped up in a cocoon, hoping for something better. Other days, I feel like a beautiful butterfly, breaking free to spread my multicolored wings and explore the new me.

I wish I had the tools of yoga and meditation when my kids were younger. I think I could have handled emotions and challenges better instead of flying by the seat of my pants and just trying not to do what my parents did. But I can’t change the past, and I can’t control the future. I can only live in the now and find peace and joy in the little things.

Speaking of questionable decisions, I broke down and bought the Echo Hydrogen Flask at the ridiculous price of $300. There were much cheaper options (like $75 total), but none of them reached 8 hydrogen parts per million, which (according to Gary Brecka) is the magic number to get actual benefits from hydrogen-infused water.

I’ve been using it for about a week, and I love to hate it. The app doesn’t work, so I never know how many bottles I’ve actually drunk in a day. The battery life is abysmal—I can only use it twice before it needs recharging. It’s also really tall, which means the cats love to walk by and tap it over. Once, I didn’t have the lid on correctly, and when Ginger gave it a tap, it fell, causing the pressurized lid to launch across the room and hit the wall. That little orange ball of trouble hasn’t tried to knock it over since, but the others have. I tried laying it down while it runs, but it leaks.

The worst part? I feel fantastic since using it. More energy, no stomach problems, and—this is big—I poop at the same time every day. If you know me, you know that’s a miracle. I’ve had stomach issues since birth, and not having any is life-changing. So, while the device is stupid expensive and buggy, it works. I’ll craft a more informative review soon, but for now, we’re still learning to use it without anyone losing an eye.

On the home front, the weather is finally warming up, and we barely need the lights for our 6:30 a.m. walks. We decided to go with raised beds for the garden this year in hopes of reducing weeds and general aches and pains from bending over. Dennis built the boxes, but they are deep, and we’re realizing it’s going to take a ton of dirt to fill them. And not just any old dirt—no, we need poop. Preferably composted horse poop. Or, if we’re feeling fancy, racehorse poop—because, obviously, it’ll make the garden grow faster. Drumroll, please! Ha ha. See what I did there?

It’s entirely possible we don’t get them filled with anything but wishes before planting season, but for now, I’m envisioning big, beefy tomatoes, towering sunflowers, fresh herbs, and all the arugula I can eat!

What have you been up to? Any spring plans now that the weather’s warming up? Bought anything recently that people make fun of you for? Share the love and drop me a line. In the meantime, be kind to yourself—you are more than you think.

Cheers!